A few random questions about mediation: Any answers?

Picture-of-question-man-225x300 A few random questions about mediation: Any answers?Here`s a few random questions related to mediation that have recently come to my mind. Hey, it’s summertime… the mind wanders.

  1. Did the modern mediation movement come out of the Quaker tradition? This was a question posed by J Nyden in response to this post on  Peter Phillip’s Business Conflict blog.
  2. Is web TV the way to go for nonprofits wanting to educate the public about ADR (Appropriate Dispute Resolution)? This question came to mind as this Family Matters TV recently came to my town for a 2-day shooting this month, and I’ve often heard the call for more public education re: ADR.
  3. Who is using visual thinking to support interdisciplinary community-based ADR? Thought of this question after reading this Mapping for Justice blog post, and all that`s offered up in this post on Social Edge about maps and mapping possibilities.
  4. What innovative business partnership would work for mediators? I thought of this after reading this post on the How We Partner blog.

And as a bonus…

What will be the most popular topic at the upcoming Mediation Business Summit? (I registered for this unique September event).

I’d love to hear what you think, all answers welcome… on any of the above.

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Photo credit: Marco Bellucci

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Wonder Café: Online conversations are changing The United Church of Canada

Wonder-Cafe-300x217 Wonder Café: Online conversations are changing The United Church of Canada    It’s challenging being a “mainstream” Christian church these days, in Canada.  Declining membership, aging congregations, questions about ‘relevancy’, not to mention dealing with the Indian residential school legacy, witness Canada’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission.

Yet, paradoxically, there is opportunity.  Opportunity to reach out, engage, dialogue, explore  new possibilities… This is the approach The United Church of Canada (United Church) takes, evidenced by its’ Emerging Spirit and Wonder Cafe initiatives.

Last week, I connected, over the phone, with Aaron McCarroll Gallegos, Executive Producer of the Emerging Spirit and WonderCafe initiatives, at his United Church office in Toronto.  Aaron generously responded to my questions.

(Note: I am not a member of the United Church.  I discovered these initiatives through family who are though, and wanted to learn more.)

About the United Church

Founded in 1925, today it is the largest Protestant church, and 2nd largest Christian church (after Roman Catholic), in Canada. 2008 United Church statistics indicate there are about 300,000 members, and 2.8 million adherents.  It operates on a bottom-up governance model.  The policies of the United Church are generally seen as inclusive and liberal.  It has a rich tradition of being at the forefront of social change in Canada.

Emerging Spirit

Emerging Spirit is an initiative of the United Church focused on establishing and nurturing a relationship between the United Church and Canadians who don’t attend church, especially those between the ages of 30 and 45, the generation largely missing from United Church congregations (and other churches too).  Emerging Spirit was launched, as a 5-year program, in 2006.  Key components include a national media campaign (which has largely run its’ course), congregational training and leadership events (still ongoing), and WonderCafe.ca, an on-line discussion forum (still ongoing and very active).

Wonder Café

WonderCafe was a big jump, by the United Church, into social media.  The heartbeat of WonderCafe is discussion forums, on all manner of topics (no holds barred here!).  Currently, WonderCafe has about 7,000 registered users, 40,000 unique visitors/month, and several hundred active users at any one time.  Anonymous users are allowed.   Although discussions are moderated, the policy is to be as hands-off as possible, thus providing a neutral ground for open discussions.

As further introduction to the WonderCafe, check out this short, engaging video, sponsored by the United Church…   (if you can’t see it, click here)

Observations and discoveries

Going forward…

What thoughts do you have about the United Church approach to community engagement?

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Constructive Conflict: Revisiting the genius of Mary Parker Follett

Mary-Parker-Follett-218x300 Constructive Conflict: Revisiting the genius of Mary Parker Follett

Mary Parker Follett, circa 1920

Last month, my collaborative-minded web friend, John Folk-Williams, introduced us to Mary Parker Follett, in this article on his excellent blog Cross Collaborate.  Among the living humans from 1868-1933, her insights reflected a brilliant mind, systems thinking, and in retrospect, are visionary.  I was totally intrigued, and so I followed up…

First, I procured a copy of “Mary Parker Follett: Prophet of Management” from a regional library.   Edited by Pauline Graham, the book is a celebration of Follett’s writings from the 1920s.  The Prophet of Management label was affixed by Peter Drucker, who provides an introduction to Follett, in Graham’s book.  Her work has influenced many others, and continues to be routinely discovered, and acknowledged.  As I anticipated, on reading, her work has a strong resonance with me.

From this 2010 mediator’s eye, Follett’s writing on “constructive conflict” jumped off the page at me.  Presented as part of a lecture series on the psychological foundations of business management, to the Bureau of Personnel Administration conference group, in New York, in 1925, it struck me how she thinks and describes conflict.  Her words are refreshing, and her ideas very much precursor, and align with, today’s best practice thinking on conflict management.

Here’s a few of Follett’s ideas, and quotes, on “constructive conflict”:

Put conflict to work: “As a conflict – difference – is here in this world, and we cannot avoid it, we should, I think, use it to work for us.”

Friction is good:   “… the mechanical engineer capitalizes on friction, the music of the violin we get by friction, we left the savage state when we discovered fire by friction…”

Three ways: “The three main ways of dealing with conflict are domination, compromise and integration…  Compromise is about giving up something; it does not create, it deals with what already exists…  Integration is about finding a solution in which both (party’s) desires have found a place.”  (words spoken 60 years before Getting to Yes)

Conflict, invention, and new values: “We should always hope to have conflict, the kind which leads to invention, to the emergence of new values.”

Revaluation: “One of the most important reasons for bringing the desires of each side to a place where they can be clearly examined and valued is that evaluation often leads to revaluation.  We progress by a revaluation of desire.”

Realignment and revaluation: “Realignment of groups is connected to revaluation of interests”

Whole vs. parts: “Deal with business problems by breaking up wholes into parts.  To break up a problem into its various parts involves the examination of symbols, the careful scrutiny of the language used to see what it really means.”

Careful with whole-words:  e.g., “Much of what is written of the ‘consumer’ is inaccurate because consumer is used as a whole-word, whereas it is quite obvious that the consumer of large wealth has different desires and motives from the consumer of small means.”

Chess analogy:  “Anticipation of conflict does not mean necessarily the avoidance of conflict, but playing the game differently, that is you integrate the different interests without making all the moves.”

Circular response:  “Response is always to a relation. I respond, not only to you, but to the relation  between you and me.  My behaviour helps create the situation to which I am responding. That implies (what we have daily to take into account) that my behaviour is helping to develop the situation to which I am responding… the developing situation makes it impossible to develop a map of the future…”

Bullies not allowed: “One should never allow ourselves to be bullied by an either/or.  There is often the possibility of something better than either of two given alternatives.”

Plus values:  “Every one of us interested in any form of constructive work is looking for the plus values of our activity.”

Looking back to look ahead.  Whole brain thinking from Mary Parker Follett.  I think we can add the mantle of Prophet of Conflict Management too!

Any of the ideas/concepts/language from the above selections particularly appeal to you?

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Image source: BusinessWeek

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The Green Collective: Using co-opetition to promote local businesses

Are you looking for eco-friendly and socially responsible products and services?  In Victoria, the Green Collective, an affiliation of Victoria shops, utilizing the philosophy of “co-opetition”, makes it easier for you to make ethical, purchasing decisions.

A group of small, locally owned and operated “green”business, the Green Collective helps consumers align their spending with their values, and foster a greener, more sustainable economy.  By pooling advertising funds, conducting joint promotions, and offering referrals between members (even to direct competitors), the Green Collective is a collaborative model of cooperation and competition, of co-opetition.

Recently I connected with Bill Finley, owner of Hemp & Company, and one of the founding members of the Collective, at his store in the heart of downtown Victoria, and learnt a bit more about the Collective.  In this video, Bill talks a bit about the Collective’s approach to business.  (can’t see it? click here)

And here’s more details I’ve pulled together, from our conversation, about the  Collective…

The Early Days

The genesis of the Green Collective dates back to 2005.  Four businesses, with similar vision and values around sustainable business, got together to increase value for each of the members, and the consumer.  Consumers increasingly look to shop with their environmental conscience, and the Collective sought to provide those consumers with the information they needed, to make ethical purchases.

Structure

Some of the key structural elements of the Collective include:

Criteria for membership in the Green Collective include…

Note: Usually businesses ask to join the Collective, versus being solicited.  Criteria is not fixed in stone.  Each business interested in joining the Collective is individually assessed.

Marketing Approach

The Rewards

Seeing the Collective model adopted by other locales is of course rewarding, to Collective members.  Bill related how tourists from Brisbane (Australia) were so impressed by the Green Collective concept, they implemented their own version, in Brisbane.

Some Challenges

What’s Next?

Running a profitable business that is also environmentally and socially responsive can be a balancing act.  What do you see as a key to the Green Collective’s future success?

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Haliburton Community Farm: A collaborative model worth emulating

Picture-of-Haliburton-Farm-2-300x226 Haliburton Community Farm: A collaborative model worth emulatingWe need more places like Haliburton Farm.  Last month, I partook in a farm tour, dinner and conversation there. This week I visited this local farm to chat a bit more with Elmarie Roberts, one of the farmers working the property.   Our conversation reinforced my view that Haliburton Farm is a powerful, collaborative community model of sustainable farming, and living! Community education and training are central to the Farm’s vision.

Backgrounder

Haliburton Farm is a publicly-owned farm within the Agricultural Land Reserve (a provincial zone in which agriculture is recognized as the priority use).  In 2001, the 4 hectare (9 acre) property was spared from housing development by a group of concerned citizens and the District of Saanich, who purchased the land.  A non-profit society was established in 2003 to develop plans for, and manage, Haliburton Farm.  The society leases the Farm, for a nominal fee, from the District.

The Farm seeks to be a leader of community-supported, small-scale, sustainable, economically viable, organic agriculture, carried out in harmony with local ecosystems.   Three farming businesses work the property.  Elmarie’s Sunbird Farms (on one acre shared with another grower) is one of them.

A model of good collaboration and community

In conversation with Elmarie, the collaborative nature of the Farm shines through.  The growers on the farm work together in a transparent way, without a farm manager.  They plan growing operations to avoid duplication, share market costs, appreciate the work of volunteers (e.g., helping with signage), and support initiative to take this community farm model to other municipalities.

Picture-of-Haliburton-Farm-11-300x225 Haliburton Community Farm: A collaborative model worth emulating Haliburton Farm demonstrates a positive, collaborative community model through:

A farmer’s story….

Introducing Elmarie Roberts…  In this video, Elmarie educates a non-farmer (me) about companion plants, garlic scapes, bordeaux spinach…  (can’t see the video? click here to watch on YouTube)

Before her recent entry into farming, Elmarie did a few other things; including 12 years teaching ESL in South Africa,  operating a sustainable retail business in downtown Victoria, and six years working for St. Vincent de Paul, a society dedicated to helping the poor.  Building on growing up in a nursery environment in South Africa, an organic farming course she took at Camosun College, and a brief apprenticeship period, she assumed a 4-year lease on 1-acre of Haliburton Farm.  The lease has an option to renew (at a higher rate), or be transferred to another grower who completes an application to be approved by the Society.  (Elmarie would like to pass her farm on to another “getting started” farmer, and own/operate her own farm somewhere else.)

Elmarie grows a wide variety of vegetables, edible flowers, fruits and herbs.   Adhering to certified organic practices, including integrated pest management, and companion planting, she sells her produce to local markets, retailers, and restaurants.  In almost all cases, she delivers her produce (vs. it being picked up)…  “people like the farmer visiting!”.

Do you have a community farm in your area?  How does is differ with the Haliburton model?

Photo credits: Rhona McAdam

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4 Factors that are reshaping the world of conflict resolution

picture-of-conflict-resolution-starting-with-yourself-300x225 4 Factors that are reshaping the world of conflict resolutionFrom my feeds (RSS, Twitter…), I’ve recently come across some interesting goings on in the world of conflict/dispute resolution.  And as much of it jives with my own experience and take on resolving conflicts, I thought I’d summarize, with a few examples, what I see as key factors impacting the practice of conflict resolution, going forward…

1. Information and Communication Technologies

2. Youth involvement

3. Systems thinking

4. Communities of practice

What’s next?

Conflict resolution based on bio-mimicry?

What do you see taking shape on the conflict resolution horizon?

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Photo credit: basykes

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The Magic Relationship Ratio

Image-of-magic-relationship-ratio-300x176 The Magic Relationship RatioIn relationships, accentuate the positive.  Negative interactions have more clout than positive interactions.  It is not a balanced equation.  You need to have many positive interactions for each negative interaction, if you want a healthy, sustainable relationship!

Relationship expert John Gottman sees each of our daily interactions with another person as “bids for connection”.   By choosing to turn toward, to turn away, or turn against each other’s bid for connection – no matter how ordinary or small – we establish a foundation that could determine the future success or failure of our relationship.   Good relationships, and trust building, usually develop slowly over time, growing out of the many mundane, little interactions we share each day.

I’ve been a fan of Gottman for years.  If nothing else, my biggest takeaway from his work is that the little things add up, one way or the other!   It’s as psychotherapist Kate Feldman says, “daily life is foreplay for relationships”.

Magic ratios

What is the optimal ratio of positive bids versus negative interactions, the “magic relationship ratio”?

Gottman has discovered that with couples, its 5:1, 5 positive for each negative interaction.   He has observed couples for over 30 years, at his apartment-style laboratory, the “love lab”, at the University of Washington.  He found he could predict whether a marriage would last, or end in divorce, with 90% accuracy.  (Note: Gottman observed 0.8:1 as indicator of marriage likely to fail).

And if we think of magical ratios beyond the sphere of  intimate relationships…

Popular social media strategist Chris Brogan suggests (in this post) promoting others 12 times for every time you promote yourself.  In a similar vein, Victoria-based social media expert Chris Burdge suggests a similar (10:1) ratio, of value-add versus (personal) marketing, as a barometer of good Twitter practice.

As a parent, I recall 3:1 as the magic ratio for praising vs. disciplining young children.  Does this still apply?

In cultures and  generations where reprimand and discipline rule(d), maybe a negative ratio applies / is the norm?

What’s yours?

And in your world… What’s your magic relationship ratio for thinking about the health of a relationship or collaboration?

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11 Good reasons to support your community dance

While we’re investing in building and nurturing collaborative habits, let’s not forget that many tight-knit communities have learned, survived, and prospered, by working AND playing together.   So, let me suggest something for the playing… community dancing.

11 reasons why…

I’m a big fan of traditional, community-oriented music and dance.  I previously shared my reasons why the annual week-long American Festival of Fiddle Tunes in Port Townsend is a great community event    And given as that annual event is almost here again, thought I’d dig a bit deeper into one element of that week – dance.  At Fiddle Tunes there is swing, Cajun, old-time, square dancing, contra dancing…

Here’s why I’m a big fan of community-oriented dances, like contra dancing:

  1. It’s an opportunity to get together with, and/or get-to-know, others in your community, your community of living, or maybe even your community of practice (if you’re serious about dance)
  2. It’s a community connector – inter-generational, and across social status/strata
  3. It’s an integrative experience – right and left brain; a systems experience!
  4. You’ll be “breaking bread together” – music, food, conversation
  5. It offers many opportunities to connect with others in positive, encouraging ways – to “bid for connection”
  6. Its inclusive, cooperative – changing partners often during the evening is the norm
  7. It connects with tradition – going way back
  8. Its authentic and local – its about people and their place
  9. You’ll have a story to tell – about you and/in your community
  10. It supports the arts  – and as Mallika Sarabhai (India dancer, actor, and politician) would say,  we all (especially those in authority) need to “treat the arts as more that just the cherry on the cake, it needs to be the yeast”
  11. It’s fun, and when things really are in-sync, the music, the dance, the people… it’s great!

Bonus reason: You don’t need to be a star or dance like a star (trust me).

On contra dancing…

New England is the hot bed of contra dancing in Canada/US (witness this 1 minute 20 sec YouTube clip of a high-energy Vermont contra dance).  Yet, there’s also lots in my area, and probably some form of community dance, contra or other, in your area too?

Below is a video sampler of a local community (contra style) dance. (if you can’t see the video, click here) I shot this clip with my Flip camera, at a recent Victoria Contra Dance Society dust-up.  Not quite the scale and exuberance of the other (Vermont) clip – yet, it still worked for me.



What form of play connects diverse peoples, in your community?

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BP: A reminder of why connection matters

picture-of-helping-homeless-in-NYC-300x199 BP: A reminder of why connection matters

Connecting in NYC

It’s official.  The still unresolved BP “accident” in the Gulf of Mexico is now the biggest environmental disaster in U.S.  history.  Yet, could this also be an opportunity, a momentum-builder for constructive dialogue, about our relationships, with each other, and nature, and a bottom-line where everything connects?  I hope so.

When we aren’t connected

For me, BP in the Gulf is a story of failure of connection, of failure in:

When we connect people who are different

Many years ago, I lived in Toronto when John Sewell was city mayor.  He was not your typical mayor.  He would take senior bank executives on walking tours of the city, connecting them with the less fortunate folks – a reality check of sorts.  Why do that?  When we get to know each other, we just might clue in, and see that, “hey, we aren’t so different after-all!”  We share basic needs.  When we get-together we may also discover other things we have in common, better understand the impact of our actions, find ways to bridge differences, and build the trust necessary for joint problem-solving.  You “can’t hate someone whose story you know”.

When we connect people with nature

In between BP media reportage last week, I listened to a news story about using beekeeping as therapy.

Sweet Beginnings, a company in Chicago, is a wholly owned subsidiary of the North Lawndale (Chicago) Employment Network.  They provide a 3-month, full-time transitional job, to ex-cons and others with significant barriers, in a green industry – the production and sales of bee-related products.  Apparently, working with bees is also great for anger-management!

And how about working with horses for sexual trauma healing, elephants for autism disorders; not to mention dogs for treating depression, and just about everything else!   Whether interacting with animals, gardening, or exploring remote wilderness…. We can learn from nature, about living systems, adapting for survival, structures to emulate…

When we let natural systems be

Carl Pope, Sierra Club chair, talked about re-connecting natural spaces in his recent blog post.  “As climate disruption accelerates, natural systems are our first line of defense.  Ecosystems can adjust to — and help human communities weather — chaotic climate. But they can do so only if we give them space — connected space.”  His post specifically refers to re-connecting parts of the Florida Everglades.

I, too am thinking about how we create wildlife corridors for Rocky Mountain grizzly bears, and consider the impact of a major new North America pipeline on indigenous peoples and migrating caribou.  When we alter the natural environment, how sure are we of outcomes?  Maybe it’s best if we worked more with what’s given!

My question to BP

You brand yourself as “Beyond Petroleum”.    Looking ahead, what will you have learned, from the Gulf disaster, about connection and relationships?  What (new) talk will you walk towards?  (Feel free to answer on behalf of BP!)

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or  subscribing to my blog. Thanks, Ben.

Photo credit: Ed Yourdon on Flickr

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Victoria’s Collaborative Family Law Group – raising the bar on ways to manage family conflict

Picture-of-Elise-Mary-300x214 Victoria’s Collaborative Family Law Group – raising the bar on ways to manage family conflict

Elise Schopper-Brigel & Mary Mouat

The Collaborative Family Law Group (CFLG) is a Victoria-based interdisciplinary group of independent professionals, whose mission is to “encourage and promote a new process to create positive solutions for people in conflict and families in transition.” Indeed… that’s why I’m a fan of theirs.

Recently I attended, as a guest, one of the regular monthly CFLG meetings.  I also engaged in conversation two members of the group; Elise Schopper-Brigel, lawyer and CFLG co-chair, and Mary Mouat, lawyer and chair of the Law Foundation of British Columbia.  Here’s what I discovered.

The CFLG team

The CFLG approach is a team-oriented systems/holistic approach to service delivery.  Typical clients are divorcing couples, with/without children.

The CFLG includes counsellors (e.g., divorce coaches), psychologists (e.g., child specialists), financial specialists (e.g., business valuators, certified financial planners, accountants), social workers, and lawyers (many of whom also work as mediators), all of whom are committed to the collaborative law process.  There are about 50 professionals in total, approximately 2/3 are lawyers.

The CFLG builds on the vision of the godfather of collaborative law, Stu Webb (check out this interview of Stu Webb, on YouTube, in which he talks about his ahah! moment in 1990 and the genesis of his collaborative law practice).   BC mediator/lawyer Nancy Cameron is a leading local proponent of collaborative law, and another major influence for the CFLG (I read and highly recommend Nancy’s book Collaborative Practice: Deepening the Dialogue, a road map for family lawyers making the journey from traditional litigation to collaborative practice – thanks to Mary for the heads-up on this book).   The importance of systems approaches I previously touched on in it takes a system to change a system.

How it works

The CFLG is free-standing group; e.g., not part of the BC Bar Association.  Members agree to, and are accountable to, a set of values, protocols, and rules.   Each member also has a professional life outside of the group, be it a private practice or as part of another practice group.

Working on a team concept, CFLG professionals come together based on client needs.   Collaborative law is an out-of-court process. (Note: Corporate law has incorporated collaborative approaches for years.  CFLG has added the other pieces, e.g., coaches, that are crucial to resolving the issues that come with long-term family relationships.)  The work is coordinated by an executive, and supported by administrative staff.

Keeping everybody on the same page

Each CFLG member renews their yearly commitment to CFLG by:

Ongoing dialogue is central to the group; e.g., dialogue on what “collaboration” means.

Members are expected to be “mindful”, keep judgements at bay, check out all assumptions, appreciate diversity of membership (“the more diverse the membership, the stronger the group”), and stay responsive to the different constituencies (within the group and also among clients).

Being responsive and adaptive to the local scene is important.   No two collaborative law practice groups are the same.  Basically, CFLG members sign on with intention, to be authentic, and to represent the values of collaborative practice as best as they can.

What’s next

From what I see the CFLG is a progressive, vibrant group, with committed members.

Still, as Elise points out, “though collaborative law resonates with today’s zeitgeist, it has yet to reach a tipping point with the public.”  People are looking for more than adversarial approaches to conflict resolution.  The CFLG wants to be as “top of the mind as mediation”.   Looking ahead, CFLG intends to increase use of social media, hone individual member’ marketing skills (a good thing for any organization/association to do, I’d say!), and tell the collaborative law story more.

Question

To the reader… what collaborative group/organization are you familiar with; that reflects a positive break from tradition (such as lawyers move from litigation to collaborative practice)?

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